On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
where are my eyebrows?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
