Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
