I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
