He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
