I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
