Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
