I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm getting married
To pizza
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
