I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My vagina is very pro this idea
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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