he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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