i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
