i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Semen is not good for contacts.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Let's paint friendship bongs
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My feet surprised me
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
