if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
