Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
