then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
