I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You are the jesus of drinking
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
