I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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