He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
