Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
soo... how was my night?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
