The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
