you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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