I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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