so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
