I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
