Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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