hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
