It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
