The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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