1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
