In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I don't deserve a penis
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Randomize
