I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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