if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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