There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
