She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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