I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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