My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
