I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize