Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
