Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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