My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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