things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
