I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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