I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
