porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
