sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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