I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
