So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
