take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
