I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
