You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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