That's intense
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize