i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
