So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize