I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
