And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
