I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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