The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
