having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
