It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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